Warning: This post makes fun of language, not people.
Your hypocritical author uses all of these terms.
Only good writing was harmed in the making of this post.
Good evening, ladies and gentlemen, and welcome to Irony Bowl 24!
Following an incredible regular season and thrilling playoffs in which business jargon competed to be most ironic, we’ve arrived at the ultimate destination.
Both finalists had strong regular seasons, but took very different roads through the playoffs.
The Great Communicators steamrolled the competition, dominating their matchups with The Outside-the-Box Thinkers, The Take-It-Off-Liners, and The Gamechangers.
The Authentic Leaders had a much harder time, surviving a grueling defensive matchup against The Pin-In-It Putters, a high-octane shootout against The Psychological Safeties, and an overtime thriller against The Trusting Relationships.
But tonight, it all comes down to one last match.
Quick review of the rules. The Irony Bowl is governed by the Reality Bites definition of irony.
Teams compete, point by point, by making points about their own inherent irony.
Judges evaluate a) the distance and audacity between the actual and figurative meanings, and b) their frequency of use in real life.
It’s time for the coin flip. Heads. The Authentic Leaders take the field. Let’s listen in live.
The ALs: Authentic Leadership assumes that teams would prefer to engage with the authentic versions of their managers as opposed to the best version of their managers.
Bold opening move. The Authentic Leaders are implying that their own underlying assumption is folly, without any leadup. It will be interesting to see how the judges score that one.
Here come The Great Communicators.
The GCs: (clears throat) 1 in 5 job candidates describe themselves as great communicators.
Wow! Frequency is always the strongest argument of The Great Communicators, but I have never seen them bring it out this early! Let’s see if it paid off.
Judges: The Great Communicators 7, The Authentic Leaders 0
And The Great Communicators jump out to an early lead. Let’s see how The Authentic Leaders adjust their strategy on their next offensive possession.
The ALs: Perhaps we’re not making ourselves clear. Our position is this: it’s more important to people that their bosses are true to themselves than their bosses treat them well. Which, by extension, means they care more about their bosses than themselves. Since that describes no one, what does that say about our underlying philosophy?
And they double-down! Why would anyone would choose their authentic boss over the best version of their boss? Let’s see how The Great Communicators respond.
The GCs: Have you ever stopped to consider just how many different things the word “great” in “great communicator” can mean? Or, for that matter, how many different things the word “communicator” can mean? Let’s just say that the number of possible combinations requires a stats professor.
It feels like the great communicators are getting close to making a point, but just aren’t quite nailing it. Of course, they may be doing that on purpose to be ironic. Let’s see how the judges score it.
Judges: The Great Communicators 7, The Authentic Leaders 7
We head into halftime with the score tied. And now a word from our sponsor.
Sponsor: Irony. Sure, no one can agree on a definition, but it definitely does not mean “kind of like iron.”
And we’re back. The Authentic Leaders take the field in an unusual formation. Let’s listen in.
The ALs:
“Well, we all have a face
That we hide away forever
And we take them out and show ourselves
When everyone has gone
Some are satin, some are silk
Some are steel and some are leather
They’re the faces of the Stranger and we love to try them on.”
Wow! The Authentic Leaders just sang Billy Joel’s The Stranger to make a point about authenticity. Do we really know ourselves? What a brilliant move – let’s see how The Great Communicators respond.
The GCs: The people who describe themselves as great communicators are trying to say that they are something more specific, yet struggle to find the right words.
What a clash of styles: metaphoric mastery vs. proverbial prowess! Let’s see how the judges score it.
Judges: The Great Communicators 10, The Authentic Leaders 10
They split the point, so we remain tied, as we reach the end of regulation.
We’re headed to Overtime! Winner takes all! Let’s go down to the field.
The ALs: There’s no such thing as an authentic leader because there’s no such thing as an authentic self. We exist relative to our contexts. And sometimes, we’re completely different versions of ourselves even in the same context.
If there is no authentic self, there can be no authentic leader. Therefore, anyone who describes themselves as an authentic leader is letting you know explicitly that they are, in fact, inauthentic.
That, my friends, is textbook Reality-Bites-irony.
Listen to the crowd go wild!
The Great Communicators take the field.
The GCs: “Great communicators” are trying to say they are either easy-to-understand, persuasive, trustworthy, reliable, empathetic, magnetic, generous, enthusiastic, compelling, and…we can go on all day and all night.”
When someone describes themselves as an Authentic Leader, you at least know they are inauthentic.
But when someone describes themselves as a great communicator, you don’t know what the hell they’re talking about.
You wanted championship performances, folks, and that’s what you got! Let’s go the judges to determine our champion.
The judges huddle up. Tension descends upon the arena as cheering transforms to silent anticipation.
Suddenly the kid from Newsies appears and runs a slip of paper from the judges table to the scoreboard operator.
The Great Communicators 20, The Authentic Leaders 13
Congratulations Great Communicators! You are truly the most ironic of them all!
Here come The Great Communicators.
The GCs: (clears throat) 1 in 5 job candidates describe themselves as great communicators.
And they drop the hammer! Frequency is always their strongest argument, and they brought it out early! Let’s see if it paid off.
Judges: The Great Communicators 7, The Authentic Leaders 0
Will the Authentic Leaders change their strategy before the next point?
The ALs: Perhaps we’re not making ourselves clear. Our position is that people would prefer leaders to be their true selves, including all the bad stuff, rather than always being thoughtful, supportive and encouraging, especially when they don’t feel like it.
And they double-down! Why would anyone would choose their authentic boss over the best version of their boss? Let’s see how The Great Communicators respond.
The GCs: Have you ever stopped to consider just how many different things the word “communicator” can mean? Once you get to five, do you really need to keep counting?
I don’t think the coaching staff will be pleased with that effort. It requires too much additional thinking to reach the point. Let’s see how the judges score it.
Judges: The Great Communicators 7, The Authentic Leaders 7
We head into halftime with the score tied. And now a word from our sponsor.
Sponsor: Irony. Sure, no one can agree on a definition, but it definitely does not mean “kind of like iron.”
And we’re back. The Authentic Leaders take the field in an unusual formation. Let’s listen in.
THE ALs:
“Well, we all have a face That we hide away forever
And we take them out and show ourselves
When everyone has gone
Some are satin, some are silk
Some are steel and some are leather
They’re the faces of the Stranger and we love to try them on.”
Wow! The Authentic Leaders just sang Billy Joel’s The Stranger to make a point about authenticity. Do we really know ourselves? What a brilliant move – let’s see how The Great Communicators respond.
The GCs: The people who describe themselves as great communicators are trying to say that they are something more specific, yet struggle to find the right words. Please let that sink in.
What a clash of styles, and what a great point! Let’s see how the judges score it.
Judges: The Great Communicators 10, The Authentic Leaders 10
They split, so we remain tied.
We’ve reached the end of regulation. This will be the final point.
The ALs: If authentic leaders are a thing, shouldn’t authentic followers be a thing? Can we assume, then, that organizations are ready to say, “Don’t worry about brining your best selves to work?”
What’s good for the goose! They undermined Authentic Leadership in practice and put tremendous pressure on The Great Communicators.
The GCs: “Great communicators” are trying to say one of the following: easy-to-understand, persuasive, trustworthy, reliable, empathetic, magnetic, generous, enthusiastic, compelling, and we can go on all day and all night.”
You wanted championship performances, folks, and that’s what you got. Let’s see how the judges scored it.
Judges: The Great Communicators 13, The Authentic Leaders 13
It’s tied! We’re headed to Overtime! Winner takes all! Let’s go down to the field.
The ALs: There’s no such thing as an authentic leader because there’s no such thing as an authentic self. We exist relative to our contexts, and our authentic selves are not even reliable in the same situations.
So, every time someone describes themselves as an authentic leader, they are letting you know they are an inauthentic leader. That, my friends, is textbook Reality-Bites-irony.
The crowd goes wild.
The Great Communicators take the field.
The GCs: It’s true that when someone introduces themselves as an authentic leader, it indicates the exact opposite.
But when someone describes themselves as a great communicator, it does the exact same thing.
But there is an important difference. With authentic leaders, you know you are dealing with inauthenticity. With great communicators, you don’t know what the hell they’re talking about. Which only adds to the irony!”
The crowd goes wilder.
The judges huddle up. Tension descends upon the arena as cheering transforms to silent anticipation.
Suddenly the kid from Newsies appears and runs a slip of paper from the judges table to the scoreboard operator.
The Great Communicators 20, The Authentic Leaders 13
Congratulations Great Communicators! You are truly the most ironic of them all!
